Dear Friends,
Waxing philosophical, I thought I’d share some interesting concepts I’ve learned on a topic we all care about.
HOW TO BE HAPPY
Although stocks have been on a roller coaster and other elements of our national identity have been under attack, I realized that, despite it all, I am happy! Insane – no, but hard to understand why.
Years ago, I worked in a group of eight people for a personnel department. Several of the people were “doom and glooming.” I had just come back from somewhere and caught the end of the discussion. When they paused, looking upset and unhappy, I interjected my upbeat, positive, clouds-have-a-silver-lining approach.
Several of them turned to me with overt hostility. “We want to be angry. We want to be unhappy.”
I shut up. There was no way I was going to argue with them. They were bonding in their unhappiness!
Lately, although I’m not a Pollyanna, I certainly realize the severity of our country’s situation, but persist in feeling positive and happy. Some of it is because of my husband’s historical perspective. His college major was history, so he regularly assures me, “we’ve seen all this before.”
I focus on our life and the lives of my family and friends. We’re all struggling with similar issues, but talking about it helps. Feeling lucky, I know a good part of my happiness is because my husband and I communicate. We clear the air, when necessary. I know I’m lucky because my previous marriage was the antithesis of my current marriage.
When I came across a post on happiness that quoted a Harvard survey, I went straight to the source. Dr. Robert Waldinger, current director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, draws conclusions on happiness based on the 85-yearlong study which started in 1938.
A survey lasting that long must have some valid conclusions, I reasoned. What can I learn from the survey? It turns out, it draws some simple conclusions that have profound effects on people’s lives, health, and longevity.
What’s the “secret?”
It comes down to people having strong connections to others. Even helping others by volunteering makes a difference. The connections make a difference.
According to the survey, “Good relationships meant participants were less likely to develop heart disease, diabetes, or arthritis.” Married people lived longer. Men averaged 7-17 years longer; women 5-12 years longer. I have theories of why men averaged longer lives than women, but I didn’t see that explained in the article.
The Harvard survey was extensive and somewhat invasive. There were regular contacts made with the 700-plus survey participants, as well as their spouses and children. The participants were videotaped and audio taped, interviewed in person, had blood drawn, when DNA was discovered, that was studied as well. President John F. Kennedy was even part of the survey!
Dr. Waldinger commented on the challenges that prevent younger people from finding the positive results of earlier participants. He cited more time spent on screens (TV, computers, phones, etc.), and neglecting the world around us as preventing our ability to connect with others to form warm relationships. Loneliness from CEOs down to adolescents report feeling lonely, not feeling connected.
Some of the most hopeful results of the survey showed good relationships and social activity “resulted in later onset and slower rates of cognitive decline.”
The Conclusion?
Well, Mother’s Day is this week. If you have a mother in your life, “Call your muthah!” Call your friends. Get together, even if it’s just for shopping, or lunch, or a phone call. Texting just doesn’t do it! You don’t get the vocal inflections if there’s no voice to respond to! Or visual cues!
Make an effort! Before I hit you with a multitude of clichés, let me just say that I wish you happiness, good health, joy, love, and fulfillment.
The need for wealth and fame means nothing without the health and well-being.
Be there for yourself and for those in your circle. Try courtesy. Patience! ETC.
If the females in my family are any example, I am likely to live a long life. I plan to share life with others, being happy and fulfilled.
Oh, and read a book! (And you could join a book group for additional connections.)
PS In some future blogs, I am featuring “Books I Love.” I’m connecting to other authors to bring you their perspective on books I’ve appreciated.
Hugs,
Shelley Sommers
Author of Louisa’s Vineyard Series
shelley@shelleysommers.com
www.ShelleySommers.com
